Anyways, it was 1 o’clock and we had yet to have a lunch rush, although it had been steady (which is worse than being slammed), and I’m walking around on air thinking “MAN! I sure am lucky to have such an easy day!” I stayed in the back and prepped prep, baked bread, and washed dishes while SE1 was stuck on the line. And that’s when it all went downhill. As soon as I had made a sandwich and was all ready to eat my tasty lunch five, six, seven people walk in. Here are a couple of that conversations I had.

Me: [While putting on a new pair of gloves - which are difficult to put on when you've just taken a pair off] What vegetables on this ma’am?

Stupid Woman: *Stares at me*

Me: [Again] What vegetables on this, ma’am?

Stupid Woman: *Stares at me*

Me: Would you like any vegetables on this ma’am?

Stupid Woman: *Stares at me*

Me: (Gloves now on) Do you not want any vegetables?

Stupid Woman: Are you ready?!

No, I’m not ready. I’ve asked you four times what vegetables, if any, you would like, there are now ten people in line, but no. I. Am. Not. Ready. Let me just take a quick nap, then you can tell me what veggies you’d like.

The thing about working with SE1 is that SE1 is extremely slow on the line. And SE1 does not make good or pretty sandwiches. So typically, SE1 starts out on meats, and I start out on vegetables, and then I make us switch places because he’s too slow, and I don’t like changing gloves 20 times. So I’ll jump over to the meats side, and make three, four, five sandwiches, and SE1′ll finish one, (and by finish, I mean throw two pickles, a few shreds of lettuce ,and maybe one tomato in the middle of a footlong – yes, I am serious. Even more serious when I say SE1 honestly thinks SE1 is the best sandwich artist employed) start ringing  it up, and I will not have ten or twelve sandwiches stacked up, to the point that I don’t have room to make any more. So I slide down to veggies and knock them all out, and have five or sick more stacked up on meats before SE1′s done ringing the third person in line up. And my sandwiches are pretty!

Anyways, things started to die down, as far as being busy goes, but we were still steady. SE1 wanted to make some lunch so I said as soon as we finished the three or so people to go ahead. And that’s when the creeper walks in the door.

Every Monday-Friday at 8 o’clock a handful of guys that work for some kind of engineering company walk across the street and get sandwiches. Before, I didn’t care. They were all nice, knew how to order, and had never given us any problems. Until they all got creepy. We’ll call the ones who are creepy Creeper 1 and Creeper 2.

Creeper 1 originally asked Creeper 2 to ask Nikki for her schedule to know when she worked, so he knew what days to come in, and which days to get Chinese.

And then one day Creeper 1 leaned over the counter as I rang up his sandwich, and said, “Can I ask you a personal question?” No, no you cannot. You cannot ask me anything you are short and fat and ugly and OLD. But because I’m nice I say, “Sure.” And he asks me how old I am, I reply with eighteen, and he says, “Hmm. Eighteen. Really?”

But none of that is as creepy as when Creeper 2. He and Nikki were talking and somehow her age came up and he said “Well, you’re just 18 right?” and she said, “No, I’m 20.” and he whispered, “Wow, if you were a little older I’d f*ck around you with.” CREEPERS GO AWAY!!!!11!1one!!!!

Anyway, Creeper 1 walked in yesterday morning and I quickly try to finish the sandwich I’m making so I can run away, but I have an idiot who is taking forever. And I have to make his sandwich. Luckily is wasn’t bad, but I just never want to talk to this creeper again.

And last, but not least. The old man. I don’t like difficult people, so you know I can’t stand stupid old people. WHO WHISPER THEIR ORDERS.

Me: What can I get for you sir?

Stupid Man: Um… *Stares at menu for five minutes making it four and time for me to go home* Meatball mari-nary… With lots of vegetables.

Me: … What bread?

SM: *Stares at breads* Ummm… White.

Me: Footlong or six inch?

SM: Ummm… Footlong. WAIT! Is that really saucy?

Me: Do you want it really saucy?

SM: NO! Don’t want it too strong…

Me: What cheese?

SM: Jalepeno… ONLY ON HALF!

Me: Would you like it toasted?

SM: No… Is that all I get?

Me: No, you get whatever vegetables you want as well.

SM: Well I want another meat on the other half…

Me: Alright, what kind?

SM: (Pointing to roast beef) What is that, roast? Does it cost extra?

Me: Yeah, to put it on half of the sandwich it would be $1, $2 to put it on the whole thing.

SM: (Pointing to chicken salad) What is that? Tuna? Would it cost to put that on half?

Me: No, that’s chicken salad. It’ll be $1 to put it on half the sandwich.

SM: What doesn’t cost extra?

Me: Any extra meat or cheese costs extra.

And then the veggies were a nightmare. I just can’t deal with people who don’t understand that extra meat costs extra.

This post was kind of useless. OKAY BYE.

And then of course there was the old man. And let me just tell you, I am not the biggest fan of the elderly.)

Me: What can I get for you?

Old Man: (whispering) Jared’s subs… chicken teriyaki… turkey…

Me: Chicken teriyaki?

OM: (whispering) What?

Me: What can I get for you?

OM: (whispering) That Jared’s sub up there…

Me: There are five different sandwiches under Jared’s favorites, sir.

OM: (whispering) … Well, I guess I’ll get the turkey… that’s the most expensive one, that’s what I’m supposed to get right?

Me: … What bread?

And it went on like that, whispering his order and saying stupid little jokes that made no sense and complaining that he couldn’t hear me when I was yelling. But, I guess I have to give him the benefit of the doubt, he was old.

A month ago my manager assigned me the training courses required to become a “Senior Sandwich Artist”, which really just means I get a fancier title, which really just means I get fancier pay. Thus far I’ve learned a lot from the classes… I’d like to share with you some of the things I’ve learned.

• True or False: It is considered impolite or even rude to lean on someone’s wheelchair?
• True or False: Remaining Amount Due, is the unpaid balance the customer still owes
• Which Tender Key is used to process Subway Cash Card Transactions? Subcard, cash, credit, or check?
• “The BMT you are ordering is even better with bacon. Would you like to try it?” Is this an example of Suggestive Selling?
• True or False: An Inactive Cash Card has monetary value?
• True or False: Cash Cards are used as another form of payment?

… Yes, those are real questions. Needless to say, I scored 100% on all the tests I took today.

And finally, at 9:45 I receive a call that goes something like this:

(At the time I didn’t know this was Harrah, another employee)

Me: Subway, this is Johnna, how may I help you?

Other Employee: Yes, I’d like to call in a complaint.

Me: Alright, go ahead.

OE: I was up there about 10 minutes ago, and this girl with glasses and blonde hair (I actually have brown hair, Harrah) was very rude to me, and my sandwich was disgusting.

Me: I’m sorry ma’am, if you call back tomorrow before 6 the manager will sort this out for you.

OE: No! I want to talk to the manager now!

Me: I’m sorry, he’s not here.

OE: Give me his number.

Me: I’m sorry ma’am, I don’t have his number.

OE: What kind of sh*t is that, you don’t have your manager’s number?

Me: I’m sorry ma’am, if you call back up in the morning…

OE: You know what?

Me: What?

OE: This is Harrah.

Me: … I freaking hate you, you better watch your back next time we work together! You’re going to regret doing this!

This isn’t the first time she’s done this, and every time she scares me! I’m quite proud of never having a customer complain about me!

Well, that’s all for tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow… I work 1-4 and 5-10, so I should have an abundance of stupid customer stories!

Stupid Woman: I want a footlong meatball on Italian Herb and Cheese.
Me: I’m sorry ma’am, we’re out of meatballs.
SW: (misheard me) Footlong meatball!
Me: … I’m sorry, we. are. out.
SW: WELL I WOULDN’T HAVE COME UP HERE IF I KNEW YOU WERE OUT! (screaming, not just angry, screaming)
Me: I’m sorry.
SW: So you’re out all together, you don’t have any for tomorrow?
Me: No, we have meatballs for tomorrow, they’re frozen though.
SW: And you can’t heat them up?
Me: It takes 20 minutes, and we close in five.
SW: Mumbles something about working in restaurants and how you have to have everything until you close.
Me: *stares*
SW: How about the Philly, is that $5.
Me: No, that’s our most expensive sandwich, it’s $8.50.
SW: This is a ripoff! Which ones ARE $5?
Me: The ones on the third menu that says $5 footlongs.
SW: Mumbles something about them all being crappy.
SW: I’ll take the Spicy Italian.
Me: *cuts bread*
SW: I don’t want that bread anymore! Give me wheat.

So I make her sandwich and the entire time she complains about how I have to have meatballs until I close because it doesn’t say we stop selling them at 9 (to which I desperately wanted to say “WE HAD MEATBALLS AT 9, IT’S 9:55, YOU’RE TOO LATE.”) so finally when we got to the register she asked for the managers number, so I stormed to the back, wrote it down along with his name and went back to the front and said, “His name is Scott Anderson, he’s on vacation until Monday, feel free to call him any time between 9-6. Have a great day!”

But the greatest thing about the whole conversation, was she kept glancing over to Nikki like she was going to say, “OH HOLD ON WE HAVE MEATBALLS, JOHNNA LOVES TO LIE TO CUSTOMERS ABOUT FOOD!”

Me: I’m not giving you free food, just so you know.
Ex Employee: I know, it’s just… I’ve known you for like two years… I just want you to make my sandwich.
*we talk a little about iPhones other employees and ex-employees*
Me: What bread by the way?
EE: Italian Herbs & Cheese, feast.
Me: Feast? Do I need to warn you that that’s not $5?
EE laughs then: Nooo, and can I have extra turkey?
Me: No, you can’t be picky (I give him extra turkey, I’m not that mean)
EE: A little spinach, lettuce, like four tomatoes-
Me: No, you can’t be picky. I’ll make Carmen make your sandwich.
EE laughs then: and extra ranch-
Me: Seriously?
Phu: And honey mustard.

For anyone who doesn’t know me… I hate two things in this world. Taylor Swift and ranch dressing.

-

Me: Welcome to subway, what can I get for you?
Fatty: Ohhhhhh, a million dollars, a vacation, and a tall glass of ice cold beer.
Me: Ha-ha. What can I get for you? (I was not amused, I hate when people do this)
Fatty: … A footlong club.
Me: Alright, just so you know that’s not longer five dollars.
Fatty: Really?
Me: Yep. Only the eight at the bottom of the third menu are $5 now.
Fatty: Well, just make it double meat then.
Me trying to be nice: Just going all out as long as it’s not $5?
Fatty: Yeah! Why don’t you go ahead and add on salami and bacon too.
Me: Is that really what you want? Double club with salami and bacon? (because people will joke and I get angry)
Fatty: Yeah! And chicken to!

So let’s just recap… He got a footlong double meat (double cheese too!) club with two trays of fajita chicken, salami and bacon. He then proceeded to get a cookie, a bowl of soup, and a 44oz. drink (which he then said “is that your biggest drink?”). He then walked next door to Circle K and walked out with a bag of stuff! And the whole time I rang him up he complained about how fat he was! THEN DON’T ORDER THAT KIND OF A SANDWICH. His whole order was like 15 dollars, and I undercharged him because I’m nice.

-

Stupid man’s stupid son: I want ham…
Me: What cheese?
SMSS: The hot one.
Me: Toasted?
SMSS: Yes
Stupid man’s stupid wife: WAIT!!!!!! HE’S NOT DONE!
Me: ….
SMSS: I want pepperoni and bacon.
Me: … *glares*
SM: Wait, can you tell me how many calories that would have on it?
Me: *stares* I have no idea.
SM: Well, we’re trying to keep this as light as possible.
Me: *stares more* I’m sorry, I don’t know.

By the way, the correct answer to “What kind of cheese?” is not “yes” “the hot one” “yellow american” “provoloney” or “regular cheese”. It is American, Pepperjack, Provolone, or shredded Cheddar. Thanks.

-

Stupid Woman: I’m getting this for someone else… I don’t remember what I got them though!
Me: What did it have on it?
SW: Chicken! It was $5…
Me: (thinking well there is only ONE CHICKEN SANDWICH FOR $5 IMBECILE!!!) That would be the oven roasted chicken breast. *holds up chicken patty*
SW: EW! That’s not it. It was sliced… Like teriyaki?!
Me: The chicken teriyaki isn’t $5…
SW: It had Italian in it!
Me: (thinking well there is only ONE SANDWICH WITH ITALIAN IN IT FOR $5!!!) The Spicy Italian?
SW: What does that have on it??
Me: Pepperoni and Salami.
SW: I’ll just get the black forest ham.
Me: With what cheese?
SW: Swiss.
Me: We don’t have Swiss, we have American, Pepperjack, Provole, and shredded cheddar.
SW: WELL. This Subway must not be as good as the one I usually go too, you don’t have the same stuff as it does.

-

Stupid man: I want a $5 footlong.
Me: Alright, which one?
SM: Which ones are five dollars?
Me: The ones on the second menu, the one that’s green.
SM: Oh, okay, I see. I want the chicken teriyaki.
Me: … That’s not a $5 footlong.
SM: Oh… Which ones are $5?
Me: The eight sandwiches on the menu that says $5 footlongs.

To this day I regret not just giving him the teriyaki and when I he complained as to why it was not $5 saying, “Oh wow, you’re right. The teriyaki is on the THIRD MENU. The white menu. Hm. Too bad, I hate when that happens!”

-

Me: Would you like chips and a drink?
SW picks up her cell phone: Hello?
SM: WHAT? WHAT? WHAT’S WRONG???? WHAT’S WRONG??????????
Me: ……. *stares*
SM: WHAT HAPPEND? WHAT’S WRONG??!!!!!
Me: … Would you like chips and a drink…?
SM: HOLD ON!!!!
SW: He forgot his DS.
Me:……………………….
SM: OH these are separate.

Really? Not every phone call is an emergency, it is 2009, and forgetting a nintendo DS is not some sort of emergency. But what really gets me is that this stupid man gets a 32 oz drink, goes and fills it up, downs it, fills it up again, downs it, fills it up again. All the while like staring at Sarah (who no longer works at Subway) as she sweeps this big pile of dirt, and in stead of walking around like a normal person HE STEPS RIGHT IN IT AND WALKS THROUGH IT. REALLY??? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY THAT LAZY YOU CAN’T WALK AROUND IT?????? You have GOT to be kidding me. Get out of my lobby, it takes a really long time to sweep.